some days are Sundays

[kaye]

Sundays used to be different. Get up early, get dressed up, get the kids dressed, fix breakfast, pile in the car, go to church, sing and clap, listen to the pastor, talk to friends, come home, fix lunch, watch TV, fix dinner, get dressed up again, go to church again, sing and clap, listen to the pastor, talk to friends, come home, fix a snack, put the kids to bed.... whew! what a day!

Now, Sundays are: sleep in until 9, get up and make coffee, turn on my computer, check my email, read some devotionals, read a little in my Bible, work on schoolwork, fix david something to eat, do some more schoolwork, get dressed, go for a motorcycle ride, or watch TV, do schoolwork, check email, talk to my daughter, fix dinner, watch TV, go to bed... pretty different!

A girlfriend the other day was telling me she didn't know how she was going to make it through the summer because the job she had taken wouldn't allow her to go to church on Sundays or Wednesdays. And, I thought, wow, I haven't attended church regularly in over 3 years. How has that affected me?

I know that my faith is different now. I know that sometimes I question how much I believe and trust in God. And sometimes the spirit of God overtakes me and surprises me that I can still feel Him. And sometimes, I look back and marvel at how different life is now and where the journey has taken us.

[Sheri]

I can't even begin to tell you how much you and David are missed at church, or how much you are needed for that extra support and encouragement. As you know, my deepest prayers have always been for restoration, and here is our chance. My heart is saddened on many levels as well as empty in certain circumstances. I can't help but feel a righteous anger at some of the excuses I've heard not only from David, but Darus as well (when it comes to Larry). I can't help but think and see how all of these "godly men" are acting like such "crybabies"! You can almost see the pride and selfishness pouring out of them. . .then they say, "I have no problems". HA! Tell that to God!

Kaye, when I look at you, sister, I don't even have to look at you, when I think about you, I feel so much loneliness and emptiness. I have a sense of "where do I belong"? "why am I here"? "what is my purpose"? "I am of no use" that's the worst one, and it breaks my heart.

A couple of weeks ago on Sunday, we were just coming down from church, and we seen you and David riding up, I don't know who was with you guys, it doesn't matter. But you passed us, Barb and Lee, and I'm sure Darus and Kay. I looked at you sitting on the back of the bike with David, even though it was only a flash, and I can still see the look in your eyes. . .they were void of that joy you used to have when you rode, whether on your bike or with David.

What do you marvel at Kaye? What is the difference, and where has this journey taken you?

I remember too, when the Holy Spirit would fill you, it was EVERY TIME we were riding, when we were all attending church together, when we were all making great sacrifices for one another come what may, when our hearts and minds were in one accord, when Jesus was our focus.

Kaye, you know as well as I do that we can't give God "some days". We gotta give Him "every day"! Change the direction your journey is leading you, He has given you the ability to do this! Don't be the Christmas and Easter attending Christian! Be the "everyday" Christian! No matter who or what stands in your way.

Do not forsake the gathering of the brethren. . .and that doesn't mean band practice.

I love you

[Patricia Weststeyn]

I understand where you're coming from Sheri, or, at least I think and hope I do. Mom called me just this afternoon and asked me if what you had written should make her feel offended and I asked what was written on yours and her behalf and thought for a few seconds then I replied, 'You have a right to be defensive.' No one knows what Papa actually hides behind a closed velvet curtain; you see what and ONLY what he wants you to see. And unless you have a backstage pass you can't fathom the daily/nightly routine.

When it comes to my own family I see how defensive I become when Ryan or my sons are in the conversations and I know when it comes to my Mom, I'm just as bad if not worse in coming to her aide. Maybe it's because I've been defending them for so long that it makes my heart ache to think about my Father so ill. We've started deciding on whether to re-enlist or let the ARMY move us so that he can see his daughter, son-in-law, and grandson whenever he wants to because I don't know how much longer I'll be able to say he's still here with me; with us...

I know I may just sound like I'm crying out for pity or for understanding but what everyone needs to see is how he used to lay in bed and look like a giant bear that could fight away my nightmares with a Father's reassuring words and now he lays there and looks like a small child in need of the reassurance. I guess you could say we've changed places. When people ask me how he's doing I hear a change in the tone of their voices and I want to just brush it away but I know I can't. When someone whom you love so much wants to keep his reality hidden you do it because you love them. No matter what anyone may think, or believe, when you hear enough doctors say they don't know how much longer the man you love has you lose all selfishness and self gain and live for him. I just wanted you to know that it may seem like he hides but the truth is that that is what he hides so no one will ever pity him or change their tone when they speak to him. That's not living but living the best you can is.

[Bonnie]

Father Go In heaven, we love you and adore you..We bless your name on high. You are holy and you are are strong tower our deliverer, our fortress in you will we trust! Lord Jesus I ask you to bless Kaye and David and their daughter and her unborn child that you KNEW before you placed it in her womb and I ask you to bring faith that can move mountains, unshakable faith and a hunger to be in your presence, whether it is in their closet or with their fellow believers in Christ.
I ask you to let no offense come between these friends and no hurt. You and only you know the cross we each bare and help us to take up our cross and follow you. We know that the cross you carried was heavy and we know that if we carry ours and crucify our flesh we will reign with you. Fill us with love and hope for our future, for you came to give us abundant life. I pray for David right now and I ask you to remove every toxin from his body and every bit of unbelief in the power of Jesus Christ and his Holy spirit and heal him. I bind every spirit of infirmity off of him in Jesus name for by your stripes we our healed, Bless Ryan and guide and direct their paths. Surround them with Godly man and women and fill them up with joy and let them trust in you for your word is true and cant return void!!!
father God praise you for showing mighty miracles and signs and wonders in this family, help them to wait on you and put their trust in you and not doctors for you are the great physician! AMEN

[kaye]

when i wrote this blog, i was thinking of how changed my life is compared to before. before david got sick, before our church closed, before my faith was challenged in ways I never dreamed of. funny thing about life's journey: you can't go back. you can only go forward and, yes, you can change the direction. but you are where you are. no changing that. there used to be many days that David could have gotten up and gone to church. now, those days are few. there used to be days that I would go without him, thinking I needed that to keep myself strong. but i've found out that I can be strong anyway. I can believe and feel the Holy Spirit and pray in tongues and stand on my faith. and my faith, as my life, is different now. it's not how I thought it would be, it's not how i would choose it to be. but it is what it is. is there less joy? yes I guess that is true. I've been grieving for the better part of 4 years, for various reasons. I guess I just let it show more now than I used to. in retrospect, I believe God gave me mountaintop experiences so that I would survive the valley. and I am surviving. with God's help, we'll get through this, like He's brought us through so many other things. and while I know that the fellowship of believers is important, I know that I know that I know that we will get through this because of God. and God isn't just in a church building on Sundays.

[Bonnie]

VERY POWERFUL WORDS OF CONVICTION! STAND IN THE VALLEY BECAUSE HE IS GOING TO GIVE YOU HINDS FEET IN HIGH PLACES!

[grammykittylynn]

I LOVE YOU SISTER.

[Sheri]

Oh Kaye, you know I meant in no way to offend you my precious sister. I know your faith is strong, there is no doubt in my mind, it's all over your face! You don't show your grief, I guess the problem is that I feel your grief! And no matter what I do or say, I can never take it away! I am not putting David down at all, I totally understand what he's going through, and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've defended him myself, and will keep on defending him.
I guess it's my selfishness in a way, wanting you two at church with us. Because I feel that's the way it was meant to be, and not having you there leaves this emptiness in me. An emptiness also in Darus that I can see, needing David there so badly to encourage him, and back him up on so many things that are happening. But those are just my "feelings" that I'm going by. They aren't always stable, if you know what I mean. I know church isn't just in a building, church is in our hearts, in nature, around those that we love, and the small miracles God gives each and everyday.

You and David are such a part of Bub and I, that your absence in any area of our lives is a big deal. I just want to share everything with you, and it's difficult doing this without you. On top of that, I can see the yearning in your eyes to be there, I guess that's what also makes it hard, you know?

Tricia. . .you are such a wonderful young women, and daughter, I am so proud of you and admire you so much. Never, never stop defending your family for anyone, what a blessing you are sweetheart. I love you.

Kaye, what can I say except I miss seeing the joy in your and Davids lives, not for me. . .but for you and David.

All my heart and all my love to you Kaye, please forgive me, I really didn't mean to offend you. I know our friendship is strong enough to get through anything, because God is on our side.

I love you